I:0:T I'd like to look at the conventional wisdom around temper tantrums for a minute here. Have you ever observed (or been subject to) tantrums that were in progress during which parents (perhaps even yourself) were actually following the typical ignore-the-tantrum advice? Maybe in a store, a child or infant was screaming. The parent responded thus: (1) ignoring the temper tantrum and the child, (2) staying calm and cool, (3) acting unruffled and nonchalant, and (4) as soon as possible (while sustaining an unhurried appearance) making it past the checkout and out of the store. This situation was much to everyone's relief, except most likely the child's-whose anger and frustration by that point in time had escalated to the extreme.
Let's take a closer look at this paradigm. (I guarantee-that's the only super-annoying scholarly language I will use here.) Dealing with temper tantrums by ignoring them is part of a very, very old parenting model or set of values, assumptions, practices, and concepts that constitutes a way of viewing tantrum reality that is misguided or wrongheaded.
All along, the parenting experts have been telling parents they should ignore tantrums just because (according to them) ignoring tantrums is the best way to deal with tantrum behavior in children. Experts, however, mostly admit that ignoring tantrums will not change or eliminate them-because, after all, they say, tantrum behavior in children is natural, normal, and inevitable.
Tantrum Probability: Tantrum behavior + responding by ignoring = tantrum behavior.
This circular theory begs a number of questions. What ability is there for parents to know if they are ignoring the temper tantrums thoroughly enough or well enough? I'm just kidding. I really don't think anyone asks that question. They should, though. How can any parents possibly know if the technique of ignoring tantrums is even valid and beneficial like the experts say it is? There's no change or success whatsoever to measure and nothing with which to evaluate the effectiveness of this technique. In fact, this technique doesn't purport to be effective in creating a change. The use of this technique isn't meant to solve anything. If the temper tantrum behavior stays the same or perhaps even gets worse, the parents are just supposed to keep responding by ignoring-just because the parenting experts say so.
And that's just what I did at the beginning of my parenting career. I ignored the temper tantrums of my first four babies until they each outgrew the tantrums, usually around the age of two. I responded by ignoring the tantrums of my fifth baby as well, until I learned that this technique was contributing to and provoking his temper tantrum behavior. I came to learn that ignoring tantrum and pre-tantrum anger is really part of the cause of tantrums. And I came to understand that as long as tantrums are ignored they will continue to occur.
Let's take a closer look at this paradigm. (I guarantee-that's the only super-annoying scholarly language I will use here.) Dealing with temper tantrums by ignoring them is part of a very, very old parenting model or set of values, assumptions, practices, and concepts that constitutes a way of viewing tantrum reality that is misguided or wrongheaded.
All along, the parenting experts have been telling parents they should ignore tantrums just because (according to them) ignoring tantrums is the best way to deal with tantrum behavior in children. Experts, however, mostly admit that ignoring tantrums will not change or eliminate them-because, after all, they say, tantrum behavior in children is natural, normal, and inevitable.
Tantrum Probability: Tantrum behavior + responding by ignoring = tantrum behavior.
This circular theory begs a number of questions. What ability is there for parents to know if they are ignoring the temper tantrums thoroughly enough or well enough? I'm just kidding. I really don't think anyone asks that question. They should, though. How can any parents possibly know if the technique of ignoring tantrums is even valid and beneficial like the experts say it is? There's no change or success whatsoever to measure and nothing with which to evaluate the effectiveness of this technique. In fact, this technique doesn't purport to be effective in creating a change. The use of this technique isn't meant to solve anything. If the temper tantrum behavior stays the same or perhaps even gets worse, the parents are just supposed to keep responding by ignoring-just because the parenting experts say so.
And that's just what I did at the beginning of my parenting career. I ignored the temper tantrums of my first four babies until they each outgrew the tantrums, usually around the age of two. I responded by ignoring the tantrums of my fifth baby as well, until I learned that this technique was contributing to and provoking his temper tantrum behavior. I came to learn that ignoring tantrum and pre-tantrum anger is really part of the cause of tantrums. And I came to understand that as long as tantrums are ignored they will continue to occur.
About the Author:
Want to find out more about tantrums, then visit Leanna Rae Scott's site for tantrum solutions for your needs.. This article, A Recipe For More Temper Tantrums: Ignoring Temper Tantrums is available for free reprint.
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