In your parent teenager relationship, is it possible that you are the kind of loving parent that tends to get over involved in the affairs of your teenage son or daughter? If so, you run the risk of stifling their psychological development. When this happens, parenting becomes counterproductive and often results in a lot of tears and pain on both sides. Fortunately, this can be avoided by parenting in a way that communicates that you care, but giving your teenager some space.
Let's take a look at some examples.
Firstly, as a parent you should be involved in your teenager's schooling. A problem arises though, when in your pursuit to genuinely assist your child, you make it a habit to check their homework and make corrections before they turn their work in. This practice can be detrimental. Why? Because your teen may come to doubt his abilities since there is no way to really know if his grades are because of him or you, his micromanaging parent.
Another example is about how much detail you need to know, as a parent, about your child's world. The fact is, it is not helpful to insist that you know every detail about your child's conversations with others. In order to feel like they are growing up, your teenager has a need to keep certain things private. Remember that when your teenager expresses a desire to keep some things private, it does not mean they are being sneaky.
To hit the 'sweet spot' of the right amount of genuine involvement and giving your teenager the space they need, there are three valuable questions you may ask of yourself.
Firstly, ask yourself, "does my teenager have the capacity to handle this situation or make this decision alone?"
View the task in light of their level of development. A teenager can handle more than a pre adolescent. Also teenagers differ from each other in terms of maturity, strengths and weaknesses.
Secondly, ask yourself, "if my teenager handles this on his own successfully will he come away feeling better about himself or learning something important as a result?
Therefore ask, "what benefits might there be if I choose not to be involved?"
Thirdly, ask, "if my son or daughter were to fail, would the consequences be intolerable in the long run?"
Every failure should not viewed as catastrophic. Be aware of what the result of a bad choice might be. Remember that making mistakes is a normal and necessary part of your teenager's learning curve in life.
In the parent teenager relationship, in each situation, you are wise to do a cost benefit analysis. In other words, weigh up the trade off between the benefits of intervening to protect or help your teenager, with the costs of denying him the opportunities for personal growth.
Let's take a look at some examples.
Firstly, as a parent you should be involved in your teenager's schooling. A problem arises though, when in your pursuit to genuinely assist your child, you make it a habit to check their homework and make corrections before they turn their work in. This practice can be detrimental. Why? Because your teen may come to doubt his abilities since there is no way to really know if his grades are because of him or you, his micromanaging parent.
Another example is about how much detail you need to know, as a parent, about your child's world. The fact is, it is not helpful to insist that you know every detail about your child's conversations with others. In order to feel like they are growing up, your teenager has a need to keep certain things private. Remember that when your teenager expresses a desire to keep some things private, it does not mean they are being sneaky.
To hit the 'sweet spot' of the right amount of genuine involvement and giving your teenager the space they need, there are three valuable questions you may ask of yourself.
Firstly, ask yourself, "does my teenager have the capacity to handle this situation or make this decision alone?"
View the task in light of their level of development. A teenager can handle more than a pre adolescent. Also teenagers differ from each other in terms of maturity, strengths and weaknesses.
Secondly, ask yourself, "if my teenager handles this on his own successfully will he come away feeling better about himself or learning something important as a result?
Therefore ask, "what benefits might there be if I choose not to be involved?"
Thirdly, ask, "if my son or daughter were to fail, would the consequences be intolerable in the long run?"
Every failure should not viewed as catastrophic. Be aware of what the result of a bad choice might be. Remember that making mistakes is a normal and necessary part of your teenager's learning curve in life.
In the parent teenager relationship, in each situation, you are wise to do a cost benefit analysis. In other words, weigh up the trade off between the benefits of intervening to protect or help your teenager, with the costs of denying him the opportunities for personal growth.
About the Author:
Are you struggling to have a normal relationship with yourteen? How would life be if yourteen stopped giving you an attitude and showed you some respect? If you are eager to make some changes in the way you parent, head over to parenting expert, Paul Saver's website and secureseven FREE parenting videos that are specifically created to get your parentteen relationship back on track.
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