Sometimes its hard to know when to be flexible and when to be firm in the parent teenager relationship. It really helps though, to do your homework and decide what your non-negotiable s are. In other words, decide what the bottom line is for you. It then becomes perfectly appropriate to enforce them in a uncompromising way.
It's not my job to tell you what your non-negotiable s are. This depends on your teenager, their age, their maturity, the circumstances involved as well as your own personal values.
What might be non-negotiable when your teenager is young, say thirteen years old, such as not walking home alone in a crime infested neighborhood, might become a rule you relax when they turn seventeen years old. In the latter case your teen most likely would have matured somewhat and you may have moved to a much better neighborhood where it is in fact safe for young people to walk the streets alone.
Keep your list of non-negotiable s short. They should only include rules that keeps your teenager from breaking the law, that keep them safe and healthy or it may involve a precious family value or tradition.
As you reflect on your non-negotiable s, consider what degree of flexibility that you are prepared to adopt when it comes to minor issues. Some parents are of the view that when you take an unyielding position on minor issues such as the clothing your teenager wears, it is easier to stand up for your non-negotiable s which involve higher stakes.
However, is this in fact true? I am of the opinion that when you show open mindedness and flexibility on issues of lesser importance, your teenager will get your point when you refuse not to bend on the significant issues.
Realize that when a child reaches about ten years of age he starts to understand the difference between issues that are merely matters of taste, where he feels it is unfair for you to call the shots and issues that are legitimately governed by your authority. This ability to differentiate reaches a zenith in their late teens.
By recognizing how your teenager thinks about a variety of issues, your parenting practices will get more traction. By doing so, you can avoid energy draining conflicts.
You may be surprised to know that teenagers actually do make some clear distinctions between issues they think they should have some say about and those they do not. In fact, your teenager is far less likely to challenge you if the issue involves some serious consequences such as cigarette smoking, than if the issue is one where the consequences are trivial such as their choice to dye their hair.
To wrap up, select your non-negotiable s and stick to them. However when it comes to issues of trivial consequences, let your teenager make some choices. By going this way, your teenager will be happier and your parent teenager relationship will go better.
It's not my job to tell you what your non-negotiable s are. This depends on your teenager, their age, their maturity, the circumstances involved as well as your own personal values.
What might be non-negotiable when your teenager is young, say thirteen years old, such as not walking home alone in a crime infested neighborhood, might become a rule you relax when they turn seventeen years old. In the latter case your teen most likely would have matured somewhat and you may have moved to a much better neighborhood where it is in fact safe for young people to walk the streets alone.
Keep your list of non-negotiable s short. They should only include rules that keeps your teenager from breaking the law, that keep them safe and healthy or it may involve a precious family value or tradition.
As you reflect on your non-negotiable s, consider what degree of flexibility that you are prepared to adopt when it comes to minor issues. Some parents are of the view that when you take an unyielding position on minor issues such as the clothing your teenager wears, it is easier to stand up for your non-negotiable s which involve higher stakes.
However, is this in fact true? I am of the opinion that when you show open mindedness and flexibility on issues of lesser importance, your teenager will get your point when you refuse not to bend on the significant issues.
Realize that when a child reaches about ten years of age he starts to understand the difference between issues that are merely matters of taste, where he feels it is unfair for you to call the shots and issues that are legitimately governed by your authority. This ability to differentiate reaches a zenith in their late teens.
By recognizing how your teenager thinks about a variety of issues, your parenting practices will get more traction. By doing so, you can avoid energy draining conflicts.
You may be surprised to know that teenagers actually do make some clear distinctions between issues they think they should have some say about and those they do not. In fact, your teenager is far less likely to challenge you if the issue involves some serious consequences such as cigarette smoking, than if the issue is one where the consequences are trivial such as their choice to dye their hair.
To wrap up, select your non-negotiable s and stick to them. However when it comes to issues of trivial consequences, let your teenager make some choices. By going this way, your teenager will be happier and your parent teenager relationship will go better.
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