Being a parent to your teenager, do sometimes feel like you are going no where fast in your parent teenager relationship? Are you finding that your current parenting strategies are simply not delivering the results that you expect? If this sounds like you, keep reading.
While I have your attention, I want to share with you a simple coaching model that can stimulate your teenager to open up and engage with you in a way you have yet to experience. Even though the approach is simple, it does take effort and persistence.
As a high school teacher and a parent of four teenagers, I have used the following approach to coaching called the "grow" model. I have used it numerous times. It almost never fails in assisting a person forward in their life. It places a lot of emphasis on asking questions and listening carefully.
Sir John Whitmore, a world renown performance coach, championed the "grow" model.
I present to you now a brief explanation of the Grow model which provides a practical strategy to assist you in transforming your parent teenager relationship. Part and parcel of my explanation are the key questions that I use.
1. "G" stands for "goal". An opening question you can ask to initiate a conversation is to simply ask "well what do you want?" or "what are you going for in life?". If the person is familiar with the word "goal" you may ask "what is your goal?". As an alternative you might ask "what is most important to you right now?"
2. "R" stands for "reality". After your teenagers goal has been clearly defined and understood, the next question is about ascertaining what they want in relationship to where they are right now. So you might ask "in terms of what you want, what is your current reality?" "Can you describe what your current reality looks like to you?"
3. "O" stands for "options". Ask "what are your current options?" Explore each of the options with them. Remember that they are leading the way.
4. W stands for "what", "where" and "when". Finally ask your teenager to describe or explain what/where/when regarding their goal or what they want to see happen. It means to get your teenager to start talking about 'definite s' not 'maybe's'.
Bear in mind that to develop your parent teenager relationship through coaching, your job is get them to do most of the talking. You are there to help draw them out, not to lecture or give them advice, unless solicited.
It means listening to understand which includes doing listening checks. You are also expressing your love and care. Throw away your own agenda when you coach and be fluid in your conversation.This might feel unnatural at first but persevere with it. You will be amazed at what a positive impact you can have.
While I have your attention, I want to share with you a simple coaching model that can stimulate your teenager to open up and engage with you in a way you have yet to experience. Even though the approach is simple, it does take effort and persistence.
As a high school teacher and a parent of four teenagers, I have used the following approach to coaching called the "grow" model. I have used it numerous times. It almost never fails in assisting a person forward in their life. It places a lot of emphasis on asking questions and listening carefully.
Sir John Whitmore, a world renown performance coach, championed the "grow" model.
I present to you now a brief explanation of the Grow model which provides a practical strategy to assist you in transforming your parent teenager relationship. Part and parcel of my explanation are the key questions that I use.
1. "G" stands for "goal". An opening question you can ask to initiate a conversation is to simply ask "well what do you want?" or "what are you going for in life?". If the person is familiar with the word "goal" you may ask "what is your goal?". As an alternative you might ask "what is most important to you right now?"
2. "R" stands for "reality". After your teenagers goal has been clearly defined and understood, the next question is about ascertaining what they want in relationship to where they are right now. So you might ask "in terms of what you want, what is your current reality?" "Can you describe what your current reality looks like to you?"
3. "O" stands for "options". Ask "what are your current options?" Explore each of the options with them. Remember that they are leading the way.
4. W stands for "what", "where" and "when". Finally ask your teenager to describe or explain what/where/when regarding their goal or what they want to see happen. It means to get your teenager to start talking about 'definite s' not 'maybe's'.
Bear in mind that to develop your parent teenager relationship through coaching, your job is get them to do most of the talking. You are there to help draw them out, not to lecture or give them advice, unless solicited.
It means listening to understand which includes doing listening checks. You are also expressing your love and care. Throw away your own agenda when you coach and be fluid in your conversation.This might feel unnatural at first but persevere with it. You will be amazed at what a positive impact you can have.
About the Author:
Are you making any progress in commanding your teenager about what to do? How about playing the role of rescuer when your teenager fails to get their act together? There is another way. Parenting expert, Paul Saver, shares some absolute gems in his seven FREE videos. Each video is designed to transform your parent teenager relationship so that when you speak, your teenager really wants to listen. Just click on the link.
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