Many parents have told me that they feel comfortable in communicating their feelings of pride in their teenager when they achieve some success. However when I suggest to the same parents that it would be wiser for them to use the word "respect" when acknowledging their teen's successes, they wonder what I am talking about.
If it is important for you to know why it is in everyone's interests for you to use the language of respect rather than the language of pride, when communicating with your teenager, you need to keep reading this article. The benefit is that with some new found knowledge you can transform your current parent teenager relationship.
Many surveys that have canvassed the views of teenagers on the question of what it is they most want from adults reveals a common finding. The word most used in respondents answers is "respect". More than anything else, teenagers want adults to pay them respect.
The truth is that all human beings desire to be respected. Teenagers, whilst appearing to be a different species at times, are no different.
However, it is ironical that as a practicing parent teenager coach, I come across many parents who are uncomfortable in using the word "respect" when describing their feelings toward their teenager. Whereas the same parents are okay and may in fact, often tell their teenager of their feelings of pride.
When cross examined, the same parents will tell you that when they tell their son or daughter that they are proud of them, they are simply sharing their love and encouragement. Their intention is naturally good. But there is a big difference between telling your child that you respect them compared to telling them how proud you feel.
By understanding and recognizing the difference you can go forward in leaps and bounds in your parent teenager relationship.
Let's begin by defining our terms. The word respect means "to treat with special consideration or high regard". Notice that the word "deserve" is left out of the definition. Respect can be conveyed to our teenagers through our words, our body language, our tone of voice, our willingness to listen to understand without judging and so on.
The use of the word "pride" on the other hand, as when the parent states "I'm really proud of you for becoming a straight 'A' student", communicates the positive feelings of the parent. Here the parent is almost congratulating themselves as if they achieved the success.
Alternatively what could you say to your teenager, who has just achieved straight "A"'s and how would it make a difference?
You could say, "I respect you for your commitment which you have shown through the time and effort you have expended. Good on you".
This statement communicates two empowering things.
At first, the emphasis is on your teen and not you and how you feel. It's about your teenager and not you.
Secondly, the focus is on the quality that we refer to as "commitment"". By communicating in this way, your teenager will naturally feel that you are talking about who they are as a person. It also informs them that the way to success in any endeavor in life, lies in the development of their internal qualities.
In conclusion, to bolster your parent teenager relationship, begin by using the word "respect" and recognize your teenagers qualities and not their achievements per se. After all, they are not what they do.
If it is important for you to know why it is in everyone's interests for you to use the language of respect rather than the language of pride, when communicating with your teenager, you need to keep reading this article. The benefit is that with some new found knowledge you can transform your current parent teenager relationship.
Many surveys that have canvassed the views of teenagers on the question of what it is they most want from adults reveals a common finding. The word most used in respondents answers is "respect". More than anything else, teenagers want adults to pay them respect.
The truth is that all human beings desire to be respected. Teenagers, whilst appearing to be a different species at times, are no different.
However, it is ironical that as a practicing parent teenager coach, I come across many parents who are uncomfortable in using the word "respect" when describing their feelings toward their teenager. Whereas the same parents are okay and may in fact, often tell their teenager of their feelings of pride.
When cross examined, the same parents will tell you that when they tell their son or daughter that they are proud of them, they are simply sharing their love and encouragement. Their intention is naturally good. But there is a big difference between telling your child that you respect them compared to telling them how proud you feel.
By understanding and recognizing the difference you can go forward in leaps and bounds in your parent teenager relationship.
Let's begin by defining our terms. The word respect means "to treat with special consideration or high regard". Notice that the word "deserve" is left out of the definition. Respect can be conveyed to our teenagers through our words, our body language, our tone of voice, our willingness to listen to understand without judging and so on.
The use of the word "pride" on the other hand, as when the parent states "I'm really proud of you for becoming a straight 'A' student", communicates the positive feelings of the parent. Here the parent is almost congratulating themselves as if they achieved the success.
Alternatively what could you say to your teenager, who has just achieved straight "A"'s and how would it make a difference?
You could say, "I respect you for your commitment which you have shown through the time and effort you have expended. Good on you".
This statement communicates two empowering things.
At first, the emphasis is on your teen and not you and how you feel. It's about your teenager and not you.
Secondly, the focus is on the quality that we refer to as "commitment"". By communicating in this way, your teenager will naturally feel that you are talking about who they are as a person. It also informs them that the way to success in any endeavor in life, lies in the development of their internal qualities.
In conclusion, to bolster your parent teenager relationship, begin by using the word "respect" and recognize your teenagers qualities and not their achievements per se. After all, they are not what they do.
About the Author:
Parenting guru, Paul Saver has invested in in the education of teenagers as a teacher, mentor and life coach for more than thirty years. Make sure you grab a hold of Paul's 7 FREE video's each consisting of a cutting edge parenting tip, that when applied will revolutionise your parent teenager relationship. By doing so, both you and your teenager can live happier and more satisfying lives.
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