Parenting research spanning decades has come to the stark conclusion that the strongest and most reliable predictor of a child's health and happiness is dependent upon the level of involvement of parents in the life of the child.
This is true whether your child is six months or sixteen years old.
Where parents are actively involved in the lives of their children, the same children are less likely to develop mental or emotional problems, feel happier within and are less likely to get into trouble or make poor choices compared to children of parents who are minimally involved.
Put another way, there is nothing more important to your child's psychological development than your deep and sustained involvement. To be involved, you have to spend lots of time with your child.
Some parents think this is true when their child is a preadolescent but when they become a teenager they have a need to be independent and have more privacy. This is true, but it does not equate to leaving them alone or relating with them less.
Currently you may be getting messages from your teenager telling you to "get f...ed" or words to that effect. As painful as this is, it does not mean that your teenager wants you out of their life. It could very well mean that t hey don't want to be treated like a kid anymore. Or it could mean that they are grappling with their mood swings and you happen to be their in their firing line. The fact is that, your teenager desperately needs and wants you in their quality world.
The truth is, that the parent teenager relationship means more to your teen than what you may be comprehending right now.
To measure what degree you are involved in your teen's life, answer the following questions.
Do you know if your teenager is happy? sad? anxious? fearful? or angry? Do you know how they best like spending their time off school or work? Do you know their favorite music? movies? Can you list the names of your teenager's teachers? Do you know what they are studying in school? Do you know the names of their best friends?
If you cant answer all these questions you have some work to do.
There are at least three powerful reasons why it is so important to spend good chunks of time with your teenager.
Firstly, you never know when they will open up to you and tell you what's really going on in their life. Parents often think that they can just ask. But in reality what if your teenager finds it difficult to really open up?
If however you are doing something together with your teen that you do on a regular basis, there is a high likelihood that your teenager will 'spill the beans' about something which they never intended to say. By being present in body and spirit in such opportune moments, you have the opportunity to really understand and connect with your teen. This can be an opportunity to take your parent teenager relationship to places its never been.
Second. Another reason why it can be so valuable to spend lots of time with your teenager relates to a teenager's view of care. A teenager naturally thinks that if you care for someone, you spend lots of time with them. When as a parent, you don't spend much time with your teenager, they come to doubt whether you really do care.
Thirdly, a consistent and sustained involvement in your teenagers life on a daily basis means that you as a parent can become like a spiritual anchor and rock in their life. This results in feelings of safety and stability amidst the uncertainty of change all around them.
To repeat. Give your teen the gift of your presence rather than your presents on a regular daily basis. By doing this, you will be best positioned to grow a wonderful parent teenager relationship.
This is true whether your child is six months or sixteen years old.
Where parents are actively involved in the lives of their children, the same children are less likely to develop mental or emotional problems, feel happier within and are less likely to get into trouble or make poor choices compared to children of parents who are minimally involved.
Put another way, there is nothing more important to your child's psychological development than your deep and sustained involvement. To be involved, you have to spend lots of time with your child.
Some parents think this is true when their child is a preadolescent but when they become a teenager they have a need to be independent and have more privacy. This is true, but it does not equate to leaving them alone or relating with them less.
Currently you may be getting messages from your teenager telling you to "get f...ed" or words to that effect. As painful as this is, it does not mean that your teenager wants you out of their life. It could very well mean that t hey don't want to be treated like a kid anymore. Or it could mean that they are grappling with their mood swings and you happen to be their in their firing line. The fact is that, your teenager desperately needs and wants you in their quality world.
The truth is, that the parent teenager relationship means more to your teen than what you may be comprehending right now.
To measure what degree you are involved in your teen's life, answer the following questions.
Do you know if your teenager is happy? sad? anxious? fearful? or angry? Do you know how they best like spending their time off school or work? Do you know their favorite music? movies? Can you list the names of your teenager's teachers? Do you know what they are studying in school? Do you know the names of their best friends?
If you cant answer all these questions you have some work to do.
There are at least three powerful reasons why it is so important to spend good chunks of time with your teenager.
Firstly, you never know when they will open up to you and tell you what's really going on in their life. Parents often think that they can just ask. But in reality what if your teenager finds it difficult to really open up?
If however you are doing something together with your teen that you do on a regular basis, there is a high likelihood that your teenager will 'spill the beans' about something which they never intended to say. By being present in body and spirit in such opportune moments, you have the opportunity to really understand and connect with your teen. This can be an opportunity to take your parent teenager relationship to places its never been.
Second. Another reason why it can be so valuable to spend lots of time with your teenager relates to a teenager's view of care. A teenager naturally thinks that if you care for someone, you spend lots of time with them. When as a parent, you don't spend much time with your teenager, they come to doubt whether you really do care.
Thirdly, a consistent and sustained involvement in your teenagers life on a daily basis means that you as a parent can become like a spiritual anchor and rock in their life. This results in feelings of safety and stability amidst the uncertainty of change all around them.
To repeat. Give your teen the gift of your presence rather than your presents on a regular daily basis. By doing this, you will be best positioned to grow a wonderful parent teenager relationship.
About the Author:
Parenting guru, Paul Saver, has worked with parents and their teenagers for more than 30 years across several continents. If your wish is to transform your parent teenager relationship be sure to get Paul's seven FREE parenting videos. Each video consists of a powerful parenting tip. Just click on the link.
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