Most often the kids won't be able to figure out the triggers of their negative behavior. When this happens the parents can help the children realize those triggers without having to result to backtracking and blaming.
If you fail at helping your child knowing the triggers for his bad behavior, most likely your child will blame every time he is having a hard time solving his problems. Your child will make you feel guilty for not helping, and he will make you feel that it is your fault. In order to avoid that from happening, you have to take control of the situation.
One of the most effective ways to help a child know the triggers of his bad behavior is to ask him about his previous outbursts. For example, you can ask your child, "Do you remember the last time you pulled your baby sister's hair? It was the time she borrowed your crayons." Or, you can try saying, "Do you remember that Friday night when I asked if you were out drinking with your friends? That was the last time you lied."
It's also pertinent that the parent would let his or her child feel that it's his perception of what happened that mist be wrong, again without the parent finger pointing at the child. It's like saying, "Tommy, I know what you think there is that I have been unfair to you. But what exactly happened is this... When you don't get what you want, this usually triggers the bad side of Tommy. It's all about what you think of took place in the incident and there are times when what he think is not really what happened there."
The most important thing that you need to remember however is to let your child express his own thoughts about the matter. Let your child air out his ideas and opinions on whatever is happening. Although you have to show your child what the bigger picture is, you also have to make your child understand that his perceptions of what is happening could be different from what is actually happening.
The most common reaction of the child in this situation is to start bringing up the emotional side of it. This is when the blaming and the crying would try to make you as a parent start to feel guilty yourself.
Do not let your child get to you. No matter how deep the guilt trip your child has put upon you, stand firm with your decisions and with what you think is best for your child.
If you fail at helping your child knowing the triggers for his bad behavior, most likely your child will blame every time he is having a hard time solving his problems. Your child will make you feel guilty for not helping, and he will make you feel that it is your fault. In order to avoid that from happening, you have to take control of the situation.
One of the most effective ways to help a child know the triggers of his bad behavior is to ask him about his previous outbursts. For example, you can ask your child, "Do you remember the last time you pulled your baby sister's hair? It was the time she borrowed your crayons." Or, you can try saying, "Do you remember that Friday night when I asked if you were out drinking with your friends? That was the last time you lied."
It's also pertinent that the parent would let his or her child feel that it's his perception of what happened that mist be wrong, again without the parent finger pointing at the child. It's like saying, "Tommy, I know what you think there is that I have been unfair to you. But what exactly happened is this... When you don't get what you want, this usually triggers the bad side of Tommy. It's all about what you think of took place in the incident and there are times when what he think is not really what happened there."
The most important thing that you need to remember however is to let your child express his own thoughts about the matter. Let your child air out his ideas and opinions on whatever is happening. Although you have to show your child what the bigger picture is, you also have to make your child understand that his perceptions of what is happening could be different from what is actually happening.
The most common reaction of the child in this situation is to start bringing up the emotional side of it. This is when the blaming and the crying would try to make you as a parent start to feel guilty yourself.
Do not let your child get to you. No matter how deep the guilt trip your child has put upon you, stand firm with your decisions and with what you think is best for your child.
About the Author:
Author Katherine Thompson enjoys sharing on topics including teens' boot camp. Learn how to be a better parent by visiting her website about my problem children.
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