The secret to effective parenting is giving away control over your child over time, as they grow in their capacity to take responsibility for their life. There is always a place for structure and rules. However the rules you enact and the boundaries you set should change as the child matures. Without applying these guidelines, your parent teenager relationship will be seriously challenged. Here's why.
By way of introduction, let's quickly examine the three most common approaches taken in the parent teenager relationship, relating to the enforcement of rules and limits.
Some parents become stricter as the child gets older because they worry that the stakes are becoming more serious. With all the temptations that present to a young person via alcohol, tobacco, drugs, sex and so on, these parents think that more tough love is in order.
Some parents go the opposite way, choosing to go soft with rules and limits. Such parents reason that it is far better to keep a good relationship with their teenager by allowing them to have more freedom and avoid any power struggle.
The third type of parent continues parenting without much change at all.
The reality is that all of these three approaches to parenting will be less than effective, thus straining the parent teenager relationship.
If your choice is to become increasingly more strict as your child matures, expect at some point, some form of rebellion. As a child transitions into becoming a teenager, they have a natural emotional need to practice being independent. By curtailing the fulfillment of such a need, your parent teenager relationship will inevitably come under fire.
If you choose to go lax on rules and limits in your parent teenager relationship, it is likely that your teenager will end up 'running' with the wrong crowd who engage in risky behaviors. This is due to the fact that so many teenagers are inclined to taking a lot of risks unless they have adults who play some interventionist role.
If you decide to maintain your usual approach to parenting even after your kid has hit the teenage years, be ready for a lot of conflict. Most teenagers resent it when their parents continue treating them like they are still a pre adolescent.
So what really is the best approach? What approach can you take that will most likely result in a win for you, the parent, your teenager and your parent teenager relationship?
The answer lies in very gradually easing up on the restrictions as your teenager demonstrates more and more responsibility. The key is taking baby steps, one at a time and linking changes in your rules to changes in his ability to manage himself. Each time you ease a restriction observe how your teenager responds. If they handle the additional freedom responsibly you know you have made the right decision. If not, you go back to the 'old rule'. Be patient and keep communicating.
By way of introduction, let's quickly examine the three most common approaches taken in the parent teenager relationship, relating to the enforcement of rules and limits.
Some parents become stricter as the child gets older because they worry that the stakes are becoming more serious. With all the temptations that present to a young person via alcohol, tobacco, drugs, sex and so on, these parents think that more tough love is in order.
Some parents go the opposite way, choosing to go soft with rules and limits. Such parents reason that it is far better to keep a good relationship with their teenager by allowing them to have more freedom and avoid any power struggle.
The third type of parent continues parenting without much change at all.
The reality is that all of these three approaches to parenting will be less than effective, thus straining the parent teenager relationship.
If your choice is to become increasingly more strict as your child matures, expect at some point, some form of rebellion. As a child transitions into becoming a teenager, they have a natural emotional need to practice being independent. By curtailing the fulfillment of such a need, your parent teenager relationship will inevitably come under fire.
If you choose to go lax on rules and limits in your parent teenager relationship, it is likely that your teenager will end up 'running' with the wrong crowd who engage in risky behaviors. This is due to the fact that so many teenagers are inclined to taking a lot of risks unless they have adults who play some interventionist role.
If you decide to maintain your usual approach to parenting even after your kid has hit the teenage years, be ready for a lot of conflict. Most teenagers resent it when their parents continue treating them like they are still a pre adolescent.
So what really is the best approach? What approach can you take that will most likely result in a win for you, the parent, your teenager and your parent teenager relationship?
The answer lies in very gradually easing up on the restrictions as your teenager demonstrates more and more responsibility. The key is taking baby steps, one at a time and linking changes in your rules to changes in his ability to manage himself. Each time you ease a restriction observe how your teenager responds. If they handle the additional freedom responsibly you know you have made the right decision. If not, you go back to the 'old rule'. Be patient and keep communicating.
About the Author:
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